


there, in her tower, she came face to face with fear

by AFireInTheAttic



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: (in terms of this story; in canon its obviously major), Allison's Death, BHWOC Appreciation Week, Canon Compliant, F/M, Lydia Martin & Kira Yukimura Friendship, Minor Character Death, Missing Scene, Post-Allison's Death, Post-Season/Series 03, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-10-28
Packaged: 2019-01-25 09:19:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12528072
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AFireInTheAttic/pseuds/AFireInTheAttic
Summary: Kira would like to say that life was quieter, before.





	there, in her tower, she came face to face with fear

**Author's Note:**

> Cross-posted from my old tumblr.
> 
> Set at the end of season 3, after Allison and Aiden have died. I always felt like there was a scene missing to explain why Kira felt like Lydia was someone she could talk to about feeling alienated after Allison’s death. This leads up to that scene and closes with it. I’m also assuming more than a day passed between Aiden’s death and that scene, because it doesn’t really make sense to me otherwise.

Ideally, Kira would like to say that before she met Scott and his friends, before moving to Beacon Hills, life was quieter. It’s not true, of course, because she lived in New York City before, and it wasn’t quiet there. A different kind of loud, though. A different kind of life-threatening. In New York, she worried about walking home alone because of men. In Beacon Hills, she worries about monsters  _and_ men.

She crouches quietly in the cemetery. Lydia asked to be alone, but Scott didn’t want any of them to be alone, not after Allison. So she was following Lydia, but from a respectful distance.

That’s why they’re there, though. To see Allison. Her grave, anyway.

Lydia might be crying, but she’s not making any sounds.

Kira would like to say that life was quieter, before.

* * *

She doesn’t know how much Stiles knows about how he was possessed; she doesn’t know if he blames her. She hopes he doesn’t, because if he doesn’t, Scott won’t. Scott, who hasn’t spoken to her except to ask her to trail Lydia.

She hasn’t seen Derek in weeks.

* * *

They’re at the cemetery again. Kira watches Lydia leave her car and start to pick her way toward Allison’s grave. She waits, because in tailing, as in all things, there’s a method. One that involves her giving Lydia a good lead.

Lydia stops after taking a few steps, though, and turns toward Kira’s car.

Kira freezes, but doesn’t duck down. She does bow her head and wipe her eyes, because maybe if it looks like she’s grieving—

Lydia knocks on the passenger side window. “Get out of the car, Kira.”

* * *

This time, she goes with Lydia to the grave.

“I want to bring her back,” Lydia confesses. She doesn’t have any flowers, and the flowers at Allison’s grave are drying up. The grave looks abysmal. “I’ve been involved with a resurrection before, you know—with Peter. So I know it’s possible. I just don’t know how it would work if I’m not being possessed.”

Kira wonders if it would be appropriate to bring some flowers next time Lydia wants to go to the cemetery. She grunts noncommittally.

“Scott would be pissed,” Lydia continues. “He doesn’t like when we play with the way things are supposed to be.”

She doubts that. Scott had loved Allison—maybe still did. He wouldn’t be that angry if she came back. She wonders why he hasn’t laid any flowers at her grave.

“She was my best friend,” she murmurs, and hugs herself. “I want her back.”

This time when Kira awkwardly wipes her eyes, her hands come away wet.

* * *

She spends more time with Lydia after that. She’s not sure if Lydia wants to make her the new Allison or if she genuinely just doesn’t want to be alone, but figures it’s best not to ask questions. She lets Lydia pick out her outfits and brush her hair. They share a bed some nights because it’s nice not to be alone.

Lydia confesses things to her in the dark—things about how she imagines killing Peter Hale in increasingly inventive ways when she starts to have panic attacks and how she doesn’t think she’s ever been in love, and Kira listens. Sometimes she wants to tell Lydia things, too, but her throat closes in and she feels tears roll out instead. She feels alone even when she’s with Lydia, and she’s not sure how to address it.

She can’t speak, but she can help Lydia, maybe. So she bookmarks a page on aromanticism to show Lydia, which is one thing solved, but she can’t find any legit-looking ways to bring someone back from the dead. She bookmarks a forum about creative murder instead.

Lydia laughs when she sees the forum, and frowns when she reads about aromanticism. “There’s something wrong with me,” she sighs.

“There’s not anything wrong with you,” Kira replies, and gestures to the webpage. “That’s the point of this. It’s a normal thing that lots of people are experiencing.”

Lydia smiles. “Okay.” She reads for a few minutes, and then finally spins in her chair to look at Kira. “You should speak up more. Scott won’t say it, but I think he misses you.” She flips her hair over her shoulder, casual—“And I feel like I talk but I never listen. You should feel free to confide in me, too. I wouldn’t—I’m not going to spread your secrets.” She fidgets and looks down at her hands. “I wasn’t always the best friend for Allison, but I’d like…I’d like to try again. With you.”

Kira feels a smile spread over her face, and has to look down at her own lap. “Okay.”

* * *

It’s not easy after that, but it feels like she’s allowed to talk back when Lydia speaks. “I’m mad at my mom for lying to me about everything for so long. I wish I had grown up training and knowing what I am. It would have made—“ Kira pauses, and then gestures at the ceiling awkwardly. “I would have known what to do when the Onii—“

Lydia hugs her tight. “It’s not your fault. It’s not your mom’s fault.”

Kira hums and cuddles into Lydia’s embrace. During the day, Lydia can be stiff and poised, but at night she’s more relaxed. She doesn’t mind how much Kira likes casual touch and affection.

It’s quiet for several minutes, until something occurs to Kira. “It’s not your fault, either.”

Lydia rolls away.

* * *

She runs into Scott the next day—or, actually, Scott runs into her. He’s not quite out of breath, but he does look rushed. “Hey, Kira, sorry, um—look—have you been keeping up with Lydia?”

“Yeah,” she says, trying for a smile. She misses Scott. She knows he needs space, but—she misses him.

“Ok, good,” he says, relaxing. “Um, is she okay?”

This has to be considered carefully. Is Lydia okay? She’s not as bad as she was, but she’s no where near the girl Kira met at the beginning of the semester. “She’s…functioning.”

Scott looks perturbed, but he doesn’t push for more. “I really appreciate you looking out for her.”

“That’s what friends are for,” she says gently, and reaches out to place a hand on his arm.

He leans into her hand and sighs. “You are an amazing friend,” he says, and takes a step closer. “I know I asked you as alpha, and all, but I really do appreciate it. It means so much to me.”

She ducks her head. “I don’t mind, honestly. It’s better, now that she knows I’m following her and lets me walk next to her instead.”

He laughs, and it’s beautiful. She feels almost light, even if the world is still dark. Maybe things will be okay. “Speaking of which, how are you doing? I know you and Allison had become friends toward the end.”

“I’m—“ she stops before she says okay. She wants to be honest, at least with Scott. If she can be honest with Lydia, she can tell Scott, too, right? “I’m, um…I’m not okay, per se, but I’m getting better.” She bites her lip. That’s not wholly a lie, but it is a little misleading.

“That’s—I’m glad,” Scott says. He doesn’t look glad, though, he looks worried. He looks at his watch and frowns.

“Shit.” He takes a step back, like he’s prepping to go.

He’s going to leave, and she can’t let him. Not yet. “Wait,” she says, wrapping her fingers around his arm. “Um. It’s—I’m not sad because of Allison. I mean—I mean I am sad about her. Miserable, actually. But it’s not just that. And I know this isn’t fair because you’re still in love with her and—I’m kind of responsible she died—but I’m also sad because it feels like…” She drops her hand and steps back. Telling this is the scary part. “It feels like you kind of hate me, and…I miss you.”

Scott looks as miserable as she feels, and she regrets saying anything. She knows Lydia would be proud of her for it, but she regrets it anyway. She should stop putting her own needs ahead of everyone else’s. Lydia and Scott—they’re the ones who need comfort. She should be helping them, not forcing them to deal with her trouble.

“Listen, um,” Scott starts. He grabs the hand that’s holding onto his arm and holds it tightly. “The thing is—I did—I  _do_ love Allison. But I—well, it’s not your fault that she’s dead. I’m not sure why you think that.”

“I basically put the nogitsune in Stiles,” she says flatly.

“On purpose?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“No,” she sighed.

“So it’s not your fault. And I’m sorry I’ve been distant, too. It’s not that I’m angry at you or anything. Honestly I wish I had more time to spend with you—just you.” He says the last part meaningfully, and squeezes her hand.

She feels herself trembling. “Scott—“

“It’s just that right now I need to spend time with Stiles,” he sighs. “He’s—he’s really beating himself up, okay? I want to—I’ll make time for you soon, okay? I promise. We can get ice cream.”

She laughs, a little shrilly. “I like ice cream.”

“Good,” he says, and smiles. “I’ll talk to you soon?”

“Soon,” she promises.

* * *

“I wish I could say something to all of them,” Kira says.

Lydia glances at her a little, smiles some. She sets her books in her locker and sighs.

“But I don’t know how much space and time I’m supposed to give them.” She sighs. She can speak now, but she still worries that—nothing will change. Scott will never actually make good on getting ice cream with her, and Lydia will still look on the verge of tears. “And I know I’m still just the new girl in school.”

Lydia looks over her shoulder and smiles a little. “Not for long.”

Kira looks back with her and feels a smile of her own start to form. Malia Tate is walking by with the coach. She meets their eyes for a moment, and smiles back at them.

Maybe…


End file.
